Originally posted May 28, 2015
If you have a pregnant friend now or in the future, DON'T tell her you hate the baby's name, and, on top of that, DON'T make rude jokes about how badly you hate it. And one more: DON't ask your 9-month pregnant friend "are you sure you want to name him that?"
Why?
First of all: it's not your place.
Second: it's none of your bussiness.
Third: what is it that you expect to gain from that? That they change their mind about a desicion (that probably took months to set) literally less than 4 weeks from the baby being born? Nope, It's not gonna happen. All you will get from it is a very upset friend. A very pregnant, very upset friend. Why would you want that?
So this happended to me about a week ago, and I'm still processing it, and, frankly, I still don't know exactly how to deal with it. I thought I might feel better if I wrote about it.
When we first started thinking of names we didn't know if we were expecting a boy or a girl. We made list for both, and before long both lists were quite long. Then we found out it was a boy! So we started to get through the list. Me and my husband both really like unusual names, not made up names, names you don't hear in everyday conversations, but that you may have heard once or twice in person or a book. Also, since we live in the US we looked for a name that sounded right in both Spanish and English, without losing his Latin-American heritage (if that makes any sense), why would we name him a completely American name that wouldn't go right with our last names but also that our families —most of them speak limited English— would have problems pronouncing it?
We picked a name. It was hard to go down to one. It's also a lot of pressure to pick something for someone else that will last a lifetime! So we struggled. If you have kids, you might know how hard it is to name your baby. It's not something as easy as ordering at a restaurant, where you have a few minutes to decide and if you mess up and hate the food, no big deal, you can try again next time. But, we picked a name. A name we love. In our opinion, a very cute name. And, from what some of our friend told us, a name that suited us perfectly. We are not thrilled with the English pronunciation of it but it's not that bad, plus we think he will go by the shortened version of it, wich sounds lovely in both languages.
Still, we wanted to be sure this was THE name before we told everyone. We tried using it between us and get used to it for a few days, and we prepared ourselves for the reaction of our friends and family. We aren't naive enough to think every would love it as much as we did, but we thought none would be rude about it either. Most of the reactions were pretty good, some you could tell weren't exactly sure how to feel about it, but, given a bit of time (it has been over 4 months now), are now used to it and love it. Some actually said; "what an original name" and didn't elaborate if they liked it or not, which is fine by me. They don't have to love it, we do. And we also had the one couple that absolutely loved it and was really excited about it. All in all, a pretty normal set of reactions. Everyone was pretty nice about it and if they didn't like our choice, they didn't say it, following the golden rule of "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything."
That was it, until last week. I didn't get the message, Hubby did. And told me about it, not much detail, just the grasps. But it was enough to make me angry. This message came from a good friend of ours, although he was friends with Hubby first, and best man at our wedding, actually. In this message (as far as I'm told by this time) he asks if we are aware this name has a pronunciation (in English) that sounds exactly like a mispronunciation (in spanish) of the word "towel (toalla)". Simply rude to be honest. And totally unnecessary to say, too. I get mad, so does Hubby but he handles it better. I was always prepared for someone to say something rude, but never actually expected it from our closest friend, so it hurt tenfold.
I try to let it go. I can't. It pops into my mind at random times of the day, for days. So, I give up. I ask Hubby to show me the whole conversation. He opens up Facebook messenger on his phone, which is the easiest way we have to talk to friends all the way back home. The conversation sends me over the edge with rage. Yes, I might be over exaggerating but I just can't really believe such a lack of protocol and decorum.
At the very start he asks how the baby is, calling him by the mispronunciated word in Spanish, and then right away asking if we are aware of how it sounds like in English (yes, of course we know). If we know it sounds like "towel" in Spanish. (Yes, of course, lots of words sound like others.) Then he asks if we are really sure we want to name him that. (Really? REALLY?!) Then, since Hubby's answers are too nice (beacuse he's a better person than I am), he continues to ask why don't we name him so and so, and gives a list of ridiculous names, obviously mocking the fact that any of those are better than ours. and then I just stop reading. I just can't anymore.
So, here is what I think about this situation. Naming a baby is hard enough for first-time parents to also have to deal with friends who are being disrespectful and crossing lines they shouldn't. So respect those lines. It is NOT your bussiness what people call their babies (make your own and name him what you want). It is NOT your place (even if you are close family or the very closest of friends) to tell them what the name sounds like or doesn't sound like. Believe me, they chose the name, they did the reseach, they know there's a writer name that (and no, they don't care if you hate his books), they know it's a popular name in whatever part of the world, and they absolutely don't care if it was the name of a dog you once saw on the street (therefore, it will always be a dog's name for you). And it is definitely NOT your prerogative to let them know you hate the name. Just be polite, accept that your friends baby is named the way is it and learn to love it. You can hate it all you want on your own time.
Also, if they are announcing the name is BECAUSE they're sure about it. You gain nothing, NOTHING by asking "are you sure?", you can only achieve two things; plant doubt in a decision that already was hard enough to make and/or always be remembered like the friend that wasn't supportive of your choise.
Why would you want to make it harder for someone you love? Be supportive, your friends are having a baby! :) That baby is also going to be part of your life! Just remember it's not your baby so there are lines you shouldn't cross and opinions you shouldn't give if you are not asked for them (and maybe, not even then).
Thanks for reading~
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